How to support friends who are crying
and also other people
Hello My Crying Angels,
Last night I came back from a short birthday trip to Las Vegas and— to no one’s surprise— I cried a few times on the plane.
During the weekend I also saw my dad, who was actually working in Vegas and the whole reason for my trip there. He repeatedly shed tears over the fact that I live so far away from home.
My dad, who I don’t consider my friend but just my dad, has never cried as much as he cries now. As he gets older, he is moved to tears by fear, awe, wonder, and sentimentality.
As I stood there, in front of the Bellagio Hotel fountains, I saw him weep while he hugged me and appreciated the beauty of some robot controlled dancing waters.
It was then when I thought more about what to do when someone you love is crying.
Validating other people's feelings is crucial and I made a list of things you can do:
Confirm Their Feelings: Let the person know that their emotions are valid and that it's okay to cry. Avoid dismissing or minimizing their feelings, and instead, acknowledge their pain, sadness, or whatever emotions they are experiencing.
Listen Without Judgment: Create a safe and non-judgmental space for the person to express themselves. Listen actively and attentively to what they're saying, and refrain from offering unsolicited advice or trying to "fix" their problems. Sometimes, all they need is someone to listen and validate their emotions.
Offer Comfort and Reassurance: If possible, provide physical comfort, such as a hug, hand-holding, or a gentle touch on the shoulder, if appropriate and welcomed. Offer words of comfort and reassurance, letting them know that you're there for them and that they're not alone.
Ask How You Can Help: Offer your support and ask the person how you can best help them in that moment. They may have specific needs or preferences, such as needing space to process their emotions, or they may appreciate your presence and company.
Avoid Judging or Criticizing: Refrain from judging or criticizing the person for crying, and avoid making comments that could be perceived as dismissive or invalidating. Instead, show empathy and understanding for their emotions, even if you don't fully understand or agree with them.
Encourage Self-Care: Suggest self-care activities or coping strategies that may help the person feel better, such as going for a walk, practicing deep breathing, journaling, or engaging in a favorite hobby or activity.
Follow Up: Check in with the person after they've had time to process their emotions, and offer ongoing support as needed. Let them know that you're there for them whenever they need someone to talk to or lean on.
Respect Their Boundaries: Respect the person's boundaries and preferences regarding their emotional expression. Some people may prefer to process their feelings privately, while others may appreciate having someone by their side. Ask what they need and respect their wishes.
The key is to avoid judging and to approach the situation with compassion, empathy, and sensitivity, and to offer your support in a way that feels most meaningful and helpful to the person who is crying.
Crying together, keeps us together.
Love and tears,
Pepita
